SUPERBITCH MAGAZINE COMEDY SHOW ROAD TRIP : Christina Pazsitzky at the Cleveland Improv, May 11th 2013!
I haven’t been to Cleveland, Ohio since the mid-90′s, when the flats were just invented and I was in a band called 7000 Dying Rats. Well, these days the flats have been flattened, everybody says that Ohio sucks the big one, and I wanted to see a comedian ( or is it comedienne? Who knows…. ) called Christina Pazsitzky and she wasn’t coming to Detroit, so off we went in my nawesome, but paid for, 1996 Toyota Carolla.
My female companion and I got to the so-called Rock N’ Roll capital of the world in about 3 hours and the first thing I wanted was a drink and a smoke. We got a room at the Comfort Inn on Euclid St. and after switching to a better room because the window and phone were both broken, we got busy with the fuck action. 15 minutes later, I still wanted that drink and cigarette, so we put our panties back on and went to a place called ” Burger 2 Beer ” next door and got a couple of brews. Dumb-fuck me was wearing shorts and a flannel shirt with no jacket and it was a bit chilly outside…not good for enjoying the sun and getting shit-faced, so I resisted the urge to order a ” breakfast ” burger ( burger meat, corned beef hash, fried egg, and hollandaise sauce ) and just went for the regular with fries. We both agreed to take a mid-day nap before the comedy show that night, for the onslaught of calories, fermented hops, and deep-fried mac n’ cheese really took the wind out of our sails. Plus, it was Cleveland…who gives a shit?
We woke up and immediately realized that we needed to get to a liquor store, and after frantically looking for a place to park a few miles away, we got a fifth of vodka, cranberry, club soda, Sierra Nevada beer, and E-cigarette ( I was determined to smoke in that room – fuck ‘em in their asses ). Everything was going pretty good except for the fact that YouTube wouldn’t let me play my playlists on my phone and I didn’t bring my ipod, we slammed a buttload of vodka as we only had exactly 1 1/2 hours to catch a good buzz before calling a cab to take us to the Cleveland Improv. The last things I wanted to do were two things : 1. be in Cleveland sober, and 2. drink and drive around Cleveland police.
Some crazy guy from Russia picked us up and we sat down with plenty of time to order shots and beers. The host was okay, the middle act was pretty good, and it really didn’t matter at that point ’cause I had a pretty goddamned good buzz and finally Christina Pazsitzky came on to drop comedy science about fat dudes, her big stomach, sweatpants, her hungarian Dad, her husband’s balls, and stupid young girls. I felt that she was starting to bomb just a tad as she did a bit of crowd work, fucking with a young chick named ” Nicole “, telling her to take advantage of her youth and to take naked pictures of herself while she still has a good body. Overall, it was pretty darned funny, but the crowd kinda sucked assholes. My date and I didn’t give a fuck, after the show I bought a CD from Christina and got a pic with her and I. I’m the drunk one on the left, she’s the blonde on the right.
Cleveland did NOT rock that night, but I was drunk, so who gives a shit. Paz RULES!
We got the same russian cab driver ’cause he gave us his number, and he just pocketed the money as he didn’t even turn on the meter. Good move, guy. I gots ta tell y’all : getting a cab when you know you’re gonna get fucked up just takes all of the stress out of partying on the town, and any chance I can get to fuck the cops and city out of any DUI money makes me sleep so much better at night. Sticking it to the man, SB style!
FUCK THE PIGS!!
Thanks, Cleveland for not being too shitty to us. I don’t think I’ll ever go back, but if I do, I’ll be sure to pee in the sink and not on the floor this time.
Booze and boobs,
http://christinacomedy.com - Christina Pazsitzky’s website & podcast